Jimmydog’s Chief Canine Officers Freddie and Joey have been on a roll, writing a short series of blogs about the all-important topic of dog walks. In the third and final installment of the miniseries, they speak directly to their canine friends about some matters of etiquette.

We love the people who read our blogs, but right now we’d like to speak directly to the dogs in our audience about the very important topic of walking. Woof! Woof!

As best we can tell, people don’t recognize the fact that it’s really the dogs taking them for a walk. They like to think they are the ones in charge. That’s fine. Let them believe that. But just because you’re actually the one in control of the walk doesn’t give you the right to be a jerk. So, we wanted to give you a few tips for walking more happily with your pet parents.

But before we get into that: A key purpose of any walk is catching up with the other dogs in your neighborhood or the regulars at your park, and we’ve got some ideas for doing that more effectively, too.

To start with, make sure you get a big drink of water before you head out. You don’t know how long you might be walking. If you’re lucky, it will be a long, long time, maybe 42 days or—even better—27 minutes. (OK, so we’re not really good with time and clocks and calendars and stuff.) The point is, you want enough water in your system to be able to leave lots of messages for other dogs. We’ve all had the experience—usually near the end of the walk—of really wanting to add something to the conversation at the base of the crepe myrtle and discovering you don’t have anything to, uh, contribute. It’s the worst! Ask your person to carry extra water in case you need to fill up midway through your outing.
But don’t overshare. Just because you’re hydrated enough to chime in on every dog discussion you happen upon, it doesn’t mean you have to. Sure, if you have a particularly clever retort to the schnauzer mix who stopped by the light pole a few hours ago, by all means, lift a leg. If you can add something to the ongoing discussion about how to win the Great Canine War Against Squirrels, take a squat. The key is to be judicious: You don’t want to get a reputation as a know-it-all. Added benefit: Without stopping at every bush, tree and fire hydrant, you cover more territory.

And now here are those ideas for walking more happily with your people:
* You’ll go farther if you stop pulling. This makes no sense to us, but pulling your person along on the walk does not, as you would expect, make you go more places faster. In fact, it can have the opposite effect. You know how it happens: You catch a whiff of a juicy groundhog up ahead and you take off, only to have your person stumble along, yelling at you to slow down. Sometimes they get so mad, they stop the walk early and take you home. Devastating! Sure, you can get an early start on your next nap and that’s always fun, but you’ve missed out on all sorts of outdoor adventures.

Even worse, if you make a habit of pulling, your person might make you wear one of those ridiculous-looking halters or harnesses. Your person will tell you that you look cute in it. Trust us: You don’t. So, keep your cool. That juicy groundhog will still be there. We all know they don’t move that quickly anyway.

* Heel—to keep them happy. Not all pet parents care about things like making you stop and sit before you cross every street or are obsessed with heeling—you know, that thing where, because of some insecurity deep inside themselves, they want you to walk right next to them at all times. But if your people are into these things, we recommend just going along and doing it. Throw them a bone, so to speak. It will make your people happy and, for that reason alone, it’s worth it. They do so much for you. After all, these are the same people who pick up your poop and carry it around in a little bag. Sure, as dogs, we enjoy sampling poop but we’re not going to carry it around the neighborhood in a baggie. That’s either a sign of love or craziness and we love our people too much to think they are crazy. So, heel. Sit. Do whatever they ask.

Yours in dogness,
Freddie & Joey